The Real Solution to Undesired Behaviors

Why I don’t focus on helping one group 

The knowledge I’ve gained in my journey has benefits that can be applied in so many ways.  I think the ways are actually endless.

My work might  appeal to more people if I structured the programs with narrower names or missions.

There are many programs that grab attention because they are aimed at helping “Politically Correct” groups. Programs designed to help women and/or girls. Programs designed to help the economically disadvantaged or other groups—there are too many sub-groups to even begin listing them.

But every time I see something that focuses on one group, it feels to me as if they are pushing against other groups.

I just saw what looked like a fantastic program to help women and girls but within the description it spoke about a program to help boys and men learn not to treat women and girls badly.

At its essence, it is divisive. It feels “off” to me.

It does not recognize that someone who mistreats another is unhappy. If that person were happier, they would not do as they are doing. Behavior is tied to emotional stance and no amount of education about “proper” behavior will change that basic truth. When we address the root–the emotional state–we will see the progress we seek.

The solutions to all social problems is a better world for all.

The person who mistreats another is not someone who is in an emotionally good state of mind.

If someone is being a bully they are in emotional pain. They would not treat another that way if they were in a good emotional state of mind.

For anyone who feels good emotionally it feels worse to treat another poorly. But when someone feels emotionally bad, especially if they feel powerless, they can feel somewhat better by asserting power over another. It is not the preferred path to feeling better and it will never take anyone all the way to joy, but it can offer relief from a totally powerless state of mind. We need to understand this, as a society, a world society, and give the knowledge and tools to all.

We need to give both the aggressors and the victims tools to move from low and powerless feeling emotional states to more empowered states of mind. Knowledge and tools that allow them to move in the direction of feeling better in socially acceptable ways is the solution will solve the problem.

Continuing to create divisiveness is not the solution. It may bring temporary ease to many who need it but it will not eliminate the problem. We could be giving permanent solutions with the same resources.