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Blue Bloods: The Truth About Lying

August 30, 20140

Last night’s episode of Blue Bloods on CBS (8/29/2014) The Truth About Lying, has some lessons that can make your own life better. There were two scenario’s that demonstrated how our brains do not show us an actual fixed reality and one that highlighted that the more stressed we are, the less accurate the reality we perceive becomes.
SPOILER ALERT:
In one case, a mentally challenged man unsuccessfully tried to stop a teenage girl from committing suicide and was caught on video, where his actions were initially perceived as pushing her to her death. It would have been so easy for him to be convicted of murder for his attempted good deed because the viewers of the video initially perceived him as a killer. Their brains interpreted the video in line with their expectations, even after being told he was not the type of person to ever do that sort of thing.
The second scenario involved a young cop whose report of her first felony arrest differed slightly from a video a citizen sent in. There was nothing wrong with the arrest, no excessive force, etc. But when she filed her report there was a factual error about where stolen property was recovered from that differed from the video. I won’t tell you how Frank (Tom Selleck) got the DA’s office to agree not to fire her and come over to his viewpoint by demonstrating that the brain’s recollection of events may not be 100% accurate, especially when a life or death situation is involved, but I thought it was brilliant.
I loved that the show brought this aspect of our brain’s into the show-the inaccurate ways we perceive reality. Researchers have long shown that eyewitness reports are the least reliable type of evidence but most people assume this is because of dishonesty on the part of witnesses with ulterior motives, but the truth is that our brains are not designed to show us “reality.” They show us a filtered reality and the filters determine how we perceive every given situation. It is not just tense moments when our brains filter reality. Our perception is filtered in every moment. The filters can be adjusted and how they are set can make the difference between a good life and a crummy life.
I teach people about these filters and how to adjust them so they can thrive more but the biggest hurdle most people face is they believe their brains show them reality so I am delighted to see the fallacy of this demonstrated so well on Blue Bloods.
I also love this show. I turned my TV off in 1995 and did not watch TV again until 2013. I still watch very little but this show draws me back again and again. I love how strong the family is even when they disagree with one another. I love Tom Selleck in this roll. I wish I could talk to the detective because I know I could help him (I realize he is just a character, but his war wounds represent a lot who are suffering today.) I also love that they show the Sunday dinners every week because that is one of the things that makes the family so strong and connected with one another.
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​I also like that it looks like there is romance in the air for Frank.

What can you do to make your life better?

The next time you’re disagreeing with someone consider whether you are each standing your ground based on your perceived reality (you are). Then consider whether the conversation can be taken to a deeper level where those perceptions can be less important. Look to your goals-not to “be right” because you’re both right based on your own perceptions, but to why you care about the topic and what you want. You can also check out our classes or my books and learn more about the filters that distort your reality and how to make them serve your highest good. Unless your life is the best you can imagine it being in every area, there are settings that are not serving you well in your filters. Everyone’s filters are set by default around age 6 and then they live life based on those unexamined settings. There is a much better way to live.
Wishing you the best,
Jeanine Joy

Benefits, Blogs, Relationships, Science

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Are You Passionate About the Well-being of Your Family?

July 26, 20140

Are you passionate about the well-being of your family?

If you are you will want to know about the research results that are slowly (too slowly in my opinion based on their importance) making their way out of the scientific research facilities and into the knowledge bank of both scientists and non-scientists in other fields.

The new research points the way to improved health, well-being, relationships, emotional intelligence, creativity, cognitive ability, decision-making, resilience, immune system function, depression. as well as reductions in racism, substance abuse, crime, teen pregnancy, and other social concerns.

One thing that can improve your relationships, your health, and your success?

One would think this information would be shouted from the rooftops.

The science is very solid. The proof is in.

Why isn’t it being talked about on every channel? I don’t know.

Science, I have learned, typically progresses slowly in adopting new ideas and beliefs.

Although they don’t tend to chop off their heads for radical new ideas these days the fear instilled about moving too far away from the norm is not far from that which a potential separation from ones head would invoke. New research in one field often takes years to reach professionals in other fields. There is a saying “Science progresses one funeral at a time.” — Max Planck

Many people are under the misconception that current scientific theories come to prominence in science because the new discoveries changed the minds of the old guard through proofs and experimentation. Closer to the truth is that, proof and experimentation changed the minds of younger scientists, and only when old guards die off, the new theories rise to take their place and make prominent the new theory. This is true even when the old beliefs are proven clearly false. Much of the progress we see (for example, advances in medical advances), comes not from science but from business building on science.

When actions can affect human well-being or change the world, that pace is entirely too slow. The information that has come to light can literally improve health and well-being significantly, reduce crime, reduce racism, reduce substance abuse, reduce teen pregnancy and, it is my belief that it is the path to peace.

When evidence from different scientific disciplines is combined the science is solid and compelling.

Positive emotions, optimism, and happiness provide these benefits and much more.

The absence of negative emotions is not the same as the presence of positive emotions.

Science has even shown that pessimists can become more optimistic and our own level of positive emotions is within our control.

All it takes is a little knowledge and a few skills to manage your emotions to a place where you can benefit from increased positive emotions, optimism, and happiness.

New research from Harvard even shows us why the benefits of positivity are so great. Our bodies were not designed to tolerate negative emotions for long periods of time. We were designed to respond to negative emotions the way we respond to other sensory input, by making changes to make things more comfortable for us. We do not leave our hands on a burning stove and ignore the pain. Neither should we ignore negative emotions. We are supposed to feel good most of the time. The research is available at www.emotionalsentience.com.

In addition to the typical flight and fight responses we all know about there is something called a “Right Response” (RR) described in this scientific paper that is most appropriate to most situations humans encounter in their day-to-day lives. Learning how to use RRs provides a level of self-mastery over ones emotions that is followed by thriving.

Positivity has a better impact on longevity than whether an individual smokes or not. How passionate are you about making sure your children do not take up this habit? If you put that much passion into helping them develop skill at RRs you will benefit them far more and they are more likely to make good decisions including the decision not to take up that habit.

Classes that teach Right Responses are available. See our website for details.

© Jeanine Joy, 2012-2014

President, Happiness 1st Institute


Benefits, Blogs, Parenting, Science

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An Open Letter about Relationships and Happiness

July 25, 20140

An Open Letter about Relationships and Happiness

Many individuals seek a relationship because they want to be happy.

Many individuals blame their lack of happiness on the behavior of individuals with whom they have relationships including parents, siblings, friends, children, significant others, friends, and even co workers and neighbors.

‘If only “_________” would be different then I would be happy’ is a common lament.

I can’t be happy because “so and so is doing or won’t do” is another common assertion.

The common element in the above examples is that you have absolutely no control over the behavior of others. When you make your own happiness dependent upon something over which you have no control your happiness becomes an impossible dream.

Others, no matter how much they love us, will not follow our dictates in order to make us happy consistently. They can’t. They have their own desires and goals which may conflict with what we want them to do. They also have other people in their lives who may want them to behave differently than we want them to behave. Making everyone with expectations of your behavior happy is an impossible task if there is more than one other person in your life. It is also a huge burden to put upon your loved ones. It causes stress and conflict for the individual(s) you intend to love when their desires conflict with your expectations. It is conditional love and that does not serve you or them very well.

As a result of the way many people think about relationships they end up with one unsatisfying relationship after another. Often they seem to have the same relationship with a series of different people (same issues, different faces).

There are ways, within your control, that will allow you to have better relationships in your life.

Your happiness level has a great impact on the quality of the relationships in your life.

Your happiness level has a significant impact on how you perceive the actions of others. When you are happy there are many things that others can do that won’t bother you at all that you would find very bothersome when you are not happy. Your level of happiness actually impacts how you perceive your relationships.

Likewise, the happiness level of those with whom you have relationships impacts how they perceive you. If you are in a relationship with someone who is generally unhappy they are very likely finding fault with you.

One of the good things that scientists have discovered about happiness is that it tends to be contagious.

We can teach you how to be happier and then your increased happiness can have a positive influence on others in your life.

Happy people also have better relationships. In our class you’ll understand why it works this way.

When you are unhappy it is often difficult to think clearly. It is scientifically proven that the same person is smarter when happy than when unhappy.

The Keys to Happiness class offered by Happiness 1st Institute will pay dividends throughout your life. Your increased happiness will help you develop better relationships in all areas of life.

Better relationships will make life more fun.

There are many benefits to increased happiness including improved health, and well being, increased emotional intelligence, increased intelligence, increased creativity, higher levels of success, and improved immune system functioning.

Make an investment in your life. Make a commitment to become happier and use that happiness to nurture your relationships. See our website for upcoming classes and additional information. You can learn to take your relationships to new levels right along with your happiness.

Click on the Programs tab to see our class offerings.

You can do it. Anyone can.

Warm Regards,

 

Jeanine Joy, President

Happiness 1st Institute

 


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